There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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