Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
