i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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