there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
