As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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