I just pynch a tree in the face
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
