This is not my ceiling
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
