Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize