yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize