grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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