If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
