I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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