just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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