SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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