Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
