You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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