She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
