you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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