you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
