Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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