Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You left your phone here
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