I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
