New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
