dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
