i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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