And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
