She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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