I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
