In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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