How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
