On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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