the day after is always just damage control
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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