After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
