just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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