I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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