mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
