Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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