yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
