i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
