I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
