she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
