So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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