are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
