she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
