I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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