come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
