Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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