Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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