My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
