goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
