I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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