I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
