just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Randomize
