Are we in a gay sports bar?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
