Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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