FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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