Can i not drive my cunt home
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
