who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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