i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
