My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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