Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize