yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
