woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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