The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
