Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
