I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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