Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
