ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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