Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
