FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
