I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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