We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
