We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
