Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
