Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
