Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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(586): View more from Michigan

She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life

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(662): View more from Mississippi

so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."

(901): View more from Tennessee

Look upon your future, America, and despair.

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