i may or may not be watching the land before time
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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