I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
