I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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