And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize