my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
