i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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