no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
