Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
